New Rules (sorry, this is a direct rip-off from Bill Maher).
Rule #1 -- Do NOT let your toddler watch "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" even if it's only for five minutes. Otherwise, he will pretend he's Gollum for an entire week -- and climb all over you and the furniture muttering "Gollum-esque" utterances.
Rule #2 -- Do NOT let your 67 year-old mother (with Glaucoma) drive at 11:30 at night in the pouring rain. She will turn right on a dark street and clip a parked Jeep Grand Cherokee--thus totalling her car.
Rule #3 -- If either (or worse...both) of these occur, run. Run as far away as fast as you can and don't look back.