P: I want to be really tall when I grow up.
M: Well, that all depends on your genetics.
P: My what?
M: It depends on your genes passed down to you by your birthparents.
P: (sighs) Oh, well, I guess I won't know if I'll be taller, since I don't know about my birthparents.
M: You'll find out soon enough.
P: (His face changes to sullen) Why'd they give me up anyway?
M: Honey, remember, it wasn't "they". We don't know anything about your birthfather. It was your birthmother who had to give you up. She was single and I can only imagine how difficult of a decision it must have been. But she probably couldn't take care of a baby at that point in her life, so she made the best decision for both of you. She knew you'd be in good hands and that eventually, you'd find your forever family.
P: Could you give up a baby?
M: No, I couldn't. It would be too hard for me. But, she and I have very different circumstances. I don't know what I would do if I were in her shoes.
P: Do you think she cried when she gave me up?
M: I'm sure she did. That's a very difficult decision to make.
P: Aw. I wish I could find her and write her a note letting her know I'm ok, and that I'm a good reader.
M: I wish you could, too, but we have so very little information about her.
P: What was her name?
M: I'd have to go look it up. But that's really all we have.
The conversation then strayed off the subject and later on, my son gave me a big hug and told me he loved me and how soft and cuddly I was. I told him I loved him, too.
My son (and my daughter) both feel a profound sense of loss, even though they aren't in touch with it. It's the loss they endured when they were separated from their birthmothers, and even though they never really "knew" them, that loss will remain with them forever. It's a deep wound that forever moms and dads cannot heal. All we can do is give them all of our love and let them know how dear they are and how happy we are to have such a tremendous gift.