He's a Geek, but he's MY Geek!

My husband sent me an e-mail this morning, asking me to print out the following commands for our dogsitter:
 

C:\> Oatmeal /?

Causes dog to pay attention and perform one or more optional tasks

OATMEAL  [/Sit /Down /Stay /Come_Here /Leave_It /Drop_It
/Take It /Shake /Off /Up /Heel /Okay
/Go] [Correct Praise]

/Sit               Dog will sit
/Down           Dog will lie down
/Stay         Dog will stay frozen like when you played freeze tag as a kid. Often  preceded by /Sit or /Down option.
/Come_Here   Dog will come running in front of you from distances up to 50 ft.Must be facing dog when used.
/Leave_It       Dog will leave alone whatever it would usually act upon during normal circumstances.(food, dogs, people, etc.)
/Drop_It                Dog will open jaw and project saliva-covered object
/Take It                 Used in conjunction with /Leave It if you want dog to have object
/Shake                   Dog presents right paw for handshake. Often used after /Sit
/Up                         Used to get dog to elevate up to your chest/waist.
/Off                         Used to remove dog from chest/waist.  Sometimes necessary to grab front paws and place them on floor while saying command
/Heel                      Dog will stay near left leg when walking.  If you just want her to come to you, use /Come_Here option instead
/Okay                    Releases dog from stay
/Go          Dog will go where you are pointing

Praise                    If command is successful give dog affection.
Correction            If command is unsuccessful immediately correct dog
                              by popping leash or briefly shaking scruff of neck.
                              Rerun command immediately.

 

Known Bugs:

Bug No.     100054 

Description          Dog distributes contents of trashcan onto floor     

Status   Adding fix into \Leave It for Service Pack 1

100102             

Dog drinks from toilet                                        

No fix yet. Workaround is to always flush and close toilet.

100242             

Dog pulls leash doesn't respond to \Heel             

Using special hardware to implement fix in SP1

100324             

Dog cannot catch anything bigger than popcorn   

No fix. Awaiting end of awkward phase.  

 
100004             

Dog sniffs other dogs' butts.                               

Won't fix -By Design

100023             

Dog gets caught in loop chasing tail.                  

Won't fix, By Design

100002             

Dog locks up, does not respond to commands    

No Fix. Workaround: Reboot dog by alpha'ing it.

 

If you think this is bad, you should see the one he's written for the kid!